Voices in the Dark
by Kes-Jinnobi
Summary: ObiWan and Anakin grieve for QuiGon
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Voices in the Dark  
**Timeframe**: End of TPM  
**Characters**: Obi-Wan/Anakin  
**Genre**: Angst  
**Summary**: Obi-Wan and Anakin grieve for Qui-Gon.

Part 1 – Obi-Wan

_I hope you can hear me._

I am finally alone and relief washes over me. No more pretending, no more holding back.

No more hiding inside.

I fall. My knees crumble and I slip to the floor.

I can't keep it inside.

My sobs echo through the apartment and my thoughts linger on you 'on us' and my heart shatters over and over.

It grows dark as I sit on the floor; time has no meaning and I bring my knees to my chest and rock myself back and forth. I alternate between tears and silence, happy memories and sad – everything comes back to you.  
Then the boy, Anakin, murmurs in his sleep and I jump at the sudden noise.

Wiping my eyes. I shakily rise to my feet.

The boy is my link to you and my promise. I will follow your training to the end, my Master. I only hope I am ready. I'm so proud to have been your Padawan.

_Am I ready?_

I walk to my room - no, his room - and stand by the door. After our trip back from Naboo the boy was exhausted and so I placed him in my old bed and sat with him. I stroked his hair and told him that I would look after him as you did for me. Do you remember Master? You soothed me when my dreams were painful, you held me when I was ill and you caught me when I fell.

_Who will catch me now?_

I know what I must do, but it is hard – harder than I ever could have imagined.

I take a deep breath and rub my hands over my hair; automatically I go to touch my braid before remembering it is gone. Gone.

I walk the five paces from my room to your own. My hand is trembling as I tap the control and the door slides open. Fresh tears fall as I look into the space that was yours.  
I feel you within it.

_I am lost inside._

I have to smile as I enter the room, but it is a smile tinged with sadness and soon fades. The bed untouched since we left for Naboo and half-made in your usual style. A few garments lay on the floor of the closet rather than hung up. I walk over and kneel to pick them up, and immediately my fingers find your spare robe. I carefully lift it from the floor and wrap myself in it. It swallows me and I inhale deeply stroking it as if it is made of the most precious material in the galaxy. It radiates peace, it radiates you.

The few possessions you had are scattered on a low table, a well-tended plant among them. I reach out to touch it, my fingers buzzing as the living Force runs through me, and I find I am weeping again.

Slowly I sit on the bed. I cannot bring myself to change the room, to take out what is yours and replace it with my own. Exhaustion floods though me and I recline, laying my head on your pillow and tracing the lines with my fingers. I remember the way you teased me for the meticulous way I'd straighten my sheets and pillows and I remember the jibes I gave you when I glimpsed a look into your quarters. So meaningless. A hundred meaningless conversations that now mean everything – I'd do anything to have them back. But you're gone and so are they.

I cry into the sheets and my body aches with all the tears I've spent. I never knew it would hurt so much to loose you.

_Why did you have to go?_

My sobs subside and I look up at the ceiling, at the spot you must have gazed at a thousand times or more. I wonder what you thought of. I wonder what I will think of a night from now, a month, a year. Will the pain have left me or still linger beneath the surface. Will Anakin help to ease the heartache? Will he become to me what I was to you?

I wish I could ask you. I wish I could know.

_I miss you._

I pull the cloak up over me. Sleep has evaded me since you left, but now here in your room I feel calmer. I'm not alone here and I sense your presence - you are within me, a part of me as I am a part of you.

My eyes grow heavy now and I can only hope for a dreamless sleep...

Goodbye my Master - I hope you can hear me.

_Can you hear me?_


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2 - Anakin

_Don't look back._

Disorientated, I lift my head from the pillow.

_Mom?_

But she is not here. Blinking the sleep away from my eyes, they slowly adjust to the darkness and take in the unfamiliar surroundings. This isn't home – home is somewhere I may never be again.

Forcing back the tears and pushing the covers away I quietly sit up. My bare feet touch the floor. So cold. I involuntary shiver, but resist climbing back under the blankets. Bringing my knees up to my chest I pull my tunic down over them. The coldness clings to me – I haven't been warm since leaving Tatooine.

_Will I ever be warm again?_

I can't help it. The tears are sliding silently down my cheeks. All I've left behind makes me hurt inside. I can't wait to grow up, to be a great Jedi as Qui-Gon was. Perhaps then I will have the power to stop all the bad things - to stop the hurt for all of us. I hug my knees tighter and I can almost feel mom's arms around me.

Why won't Obi-Wan talk to me about it? About him? I can see the sadness in his face and feel his pain. It hurts.

_Why did you have to go?_

Does Obi-Wan want me here? I don't know. I'm lonely. I'm alone in the dark. I wish I could make everything better.

Resting my head on my knees the tears dry on my face. I try to stop crying...I didn't even get to say goodbye.

_Can you hear me?_

A voice is whispering softly through the Force. It's so quiet - I strain to hear it.

My knees uncurl and I slip from the bed. I know where to go.

The distance between our rooms is short. My feet make the only noise, padding softly on the cold, hard floor. The door is open. Stepping into the room I suddenly stop. Qui-Gon! I can feel him here. It is a good surprise. My eyes, hardly dry, fill with tears again. But I'm also smiling now, remembering the good things: his touch, the gentle words he spoke, but most of all his belief in me.

_I miss you._

The smile leaves. Rubbing my sleeve across my face I walk towards the bed where Obi-Wan is sleeping. Nervously, I reach out to stroke his face – he looks so sad.

_Master?_

There is no answer. Our bond feels so new - I don't want to call too loudly; I might break it.

Leaning forward I softly speak in his ear.

"I can hear you."

Stepping back I watch as his eyes flicker open. He sees me. And as sleepy confusion clears I feel relief as he smiles.

There are no words as he shuffles across the bed and raises the cloak that is wrapped around him. Climbing onto the bed I scurry underneath it; it is big enough to cover us both. It feels warm; it feels safe - like the three of us are together again.

Obi-Wan places an arm around me and we lay together in comfortable silence. He is drifting back to sleep and my eyes too are beginning to close. I'm sleepy here; I'm safe, and I whisper through the Force:

_He can hear us too._

His arm tightens around me as he pauses before answering.

_Yes, Anakin. I believe he can._

These words fill me with peace.

Everything has changed, but we are still here.

Smiling I close my eyes –Obi-Wan, I think, is smiling too.

_Goodnight, Master._

_Goodnight, my Padawan._

And from somewhere far off in the distance, just before I fall asleep I think I hear another voice.

_Goodnight, my sons._


End file.
